User blog:Joeaikman/Rap Battle of Thrones - Book I Chapter III - Tywin Lannister
Written by User:Joeaikman and User:BreZ. If you read on you risk spoilers for both the Game of Thrones TV show and A Song of Ice and Fire book series. You have been warned Tywin Lannister was sat on the privy of his bedroom in the Tower of the Hand late at night. He hears sounds outside as if someone was moving. He starts to hear the door open and looks up to see... BILL GATES Tywin scowls VS Tywin stands and the background changes to the Golden Lion standard of House Lannister TYWIN LANNISTERRRRRRRRRRRRR BEGIN! Girl, fetch the water, we've got new meat for the dogs Call yourself a techie, Bill? Seems you’re in the wrong Jobs I'll skin a stag as you speak, so try and say something clever Or else I'll burn your charity cases when I let loose Ser Gregor Who will butcher Melinda, and every one of your endeavours And crush this lesser error who tries to rival against his betters I'll Reyne on your parade, drop the hammer of House Lannister You want to help the needy? Clean out the cisterns in Africa I'll eliminate your options, drive you to join the Night's Watch Tried to sack a city, but you botched and Ellia got knocked off You were too soft, hence why your armies got Crossed by Robb And your flop was due to Joanna playing with Aerys' Casterly Rocks The truth is, I'll leave this doofus Tytos Toothless, wash this tyrant's Lion's Tooth away when I start flowing like the river Trident Fucking hoes in your Tower, send you back to Shae Home I'll kick your righteous ass back to wherever bores go You'll address me as M'Lord when we engage in battle rap Listening to you is as awkward as when your grandson answers back And your kids only exist so there can be more soft core porn This is too easy, I'm facing a Gates that even Stannis could storm Your chances are Micro, any Companions won't be Brave in my bear pit I've listened to a Lannister's wit and I could find more gold in his shits If I stopped inducting money we'd soon all be dead and gone Yes, but whilst you'd be forgotten, my family name will live on A Lannister always pays his debts and I owe an ass kicking to this nerd This is what a bitch is pitching to me? It's the stupidest thing I've ever heard Deem yourself keen, but your thoughts could be bought for a quarter You should drop out of this battle faster than you did with Harvard But if this fool wants to continue battle then I'll leave him rotting in my castle Because the mantle of this Andal ranks above this shamble of a handful The Kingsroads ahead, at the Green Fork you'll be destroyed I'll melt down your millions and they'll call me the Master of Coin Forget Gatsby, I'm Great, facing me was a wretched fate I'll wait it out in Harrenhal until there's a new tech age Your money’s all filthy, House Lannister is as Rich as a janitor You won’t tie nor win, cause you're just not a competitor Let’s start discussing your kin we shall begin with your twins Then move on to the Imp who fully embodies all your sins Take a look at that legacy, what a shambolic family If you hadn't loaned it all I'd suggest you donate your wealth to charity Here's my Zucker punch, serve up a Buffet for your pleasure Because you'll never be remembered, despite all your best efforts With your BASIC skills and slow Windows Vista flow I'll rally up my armies and leave you tic-tac-towned Get your Tank to Think up some new ways that you can wreck this Cos all those relative burns? Me and Kevan'never Sein-felt it You're just a diminutive gnome who knows how to use a calculator Whilst I'm a calculating general, legislator and manipulator I'll have to Mine for new material because you aren't worthy to face me In the Concert of Thrones I'll Cast A Mere punk as left defeated Your kids commit incest in the West, whilst you're losing all your settlements And the Iron Bank saw the whoredom of this Warden as a poor investment You failed to stop Joff from doing exactly as he pleased Now I'll donate money to cure Tywin of his Mad Dogs disease! You watched your father fail, his vassals left him outdone And you know what they say, Scrooge, like father like son Do me a kindness and lose quickly, I've gotta buy out your city And remove your smiling corpse from the master bedroom privy Who won? Tywin Lannister Bill Gates Category:Blog posts